Separating from Mummy and Daddy when coming to school for the first time

Going to school for the first time can be a very exciting, but sometimes also a very stressful time for your child. The first few weeks when a child is settling into an early years setting is a time of crucial importance to their later happiness in the setting. All children are individuals and while some children will adjust fairly easily to the new environment and new routines, others will take longer to feel comfortable and secure. Children who have a positive start to their new environment are more likely to feel comfortable, relaxed and valued, feel good about themselves as learners and have a sense of belonging to the pre-school community. It's normal for young children to be both excited and fearful about the idea of going to school. On the one hand, going to school is what the "big kids" do, and as such it is a mark of children's advancement. On the other hand, school represents a big unknown, which can be frightening.

Most children settle in without too many concerns but there are some children who need more time to develop trust. Transitions can provide exciting opportunities and also new challenges. The way in which the first transitions are handled could potentially have a significant impact on the child’s capacity to cope with change in the short and long term. If transitions are well supported, children can learn to manage change in a positive way, which is a very important skill for life. Effective transitions can provide opportunities to help children develop self-worth, confidence and the capacity to be resilient in the process of dealing with change. Partnership working with parents is key to supporting effective transitions. Parents can support staff in getting to know children well, whilst staff supports parents as they adjust to change. Fortunately, there are steps you can take to ease the transition. Remember: preparing your child for separation starts with preparing yourself.
There are a number of things you can do to prepare your child for the big moment:

Get the little one excited about school

On the way to the nursery, talk to the child about what awaits him or her there, the fun activities of the day and the group your child will be a part of.

Give the child a transitional object, something to hold onto

Check with the nursery's policy and, if allowed, let the little one bring a "security object", i.e. a familiar object like a teddy bear or a favourite blanket.

Become familiar with the Nursery Settling In Policy’

All early years settings will have a ‘Settling In Policy’ which will set out the centre’s procedures for supporting children through the settling in stage. Policies should be written with the child’s emotional well-being at the centre. It is important that you obtain a copy of this policy and familiarise yourself with it, as it will help you prepare for your child’s transition into the pre-school setting and make any necessary arrangements.

Read stories to your child about starting nursery school

This again can help familiarise the child with what will happen at the early years setting before they start.

Chat to your child about any concerns they may have

Your child may be anxious to know what to do for example if they need to go to the toilet. Talk to your child in a positive way about these concerns.

Leaving children with family members and trusted friends

Preparing for separation can involve leaving your child with trusted friends or family members for short periods. This can then be followed by separation periods within the early years setting.

Staying confident, cheery and positive

Although you may be feeling as anxious and emotional as your child, try to stay cheery and confident as children will pick up on your feelings of apprehension.

Don’t be tempted to slip away

It is important when your child starts the early years setting to let the child know when you are leaving. Tell your child you are going and will be back after an activity, for example story time.
Although tempting, slipping away when your child is distracted can lead to the child becoming very anxious and not letting you out of their sight on the next visit.

Parents and teachers working in partnership

Open communication between parents and the early years staff team is crucial. It is important to share information. Parents can give the staff information about the child and in turn the staff can talk to the parents about the child’s experiences in the setting.
Teachers will have a vast amount of experience in helping children settle into the pre-school setting and are aware of the difficulties that can emerge during this transition period.
If your child is taking longer to settle in than you had expected and you still have concerns, discuss these with a member of staff. Together you can agree on and put into place strategies to support your child during this time.

Helping your child to grow in confidence and independence

You are the safe base from which your child can branch out and explore the world, grow and learn and become socially and emotionally confident. Getting off to a good start will help you support your child through this very important period in their lives.

As parents and as early years practitioners, we can take steps to ensure that the transition into the early years setting goes as smoothly as possible. Research shows that when the settling in period is positive for the child, it can not only impact on their happiness throughout their time at the early years setting but also on how the child views future transitions.